Vain dating

Jane Fonda has officially taken herself out of the dating pool. The “Grace and Frankie” star spent much of the past in a relationship, but at 82 she has no plans of getting into another ... You're So Vain: 20 Signs He's More Into Himself Than He Is Into You. ... Sometimes, it’s difficult to know if the guy you're dating will turn out to be a total train wreck, especially in the ... Vain Valentines: 5 Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist. Everyone can be a little bit selfish, but an ongoing trend can point to a larger concern. Here are a few pointers on how to identify narcissistic behaviors in your partner. Many people go to these dating sites looking for something long term - though in vain. They end up with quick dates, one night hookups, affairs, and in the end just try to make good of a bad situation. Simply put - they settle. There is no corner in the western world where dating has not had a negative effect on families. David ‘El Jefe’ Potts ended Celebs Go Dating 2019 with a whirlwind romance. The Ibiza Weekender rep was swept off his feet by Luke during the E4 series as the pair concluded the season as an official couple. An email with instructions on how to create a new password has been sent to He is very vain and is constantly checking himself in mirrors or windows, and I've had enough. RELATED: 'All my friends want to sleep with my husband' 'He used to model, and now that he doesn't he ... Women are also vain and shallow when it comes to looks. It's into ONLY to care about their looks. Without that physical attraction, there is no spark. Looks begin a relationship, then personality more intelligent and overall compatibility keep it going strong, dating doom it. Guess it's too common! But an obssession with looks - maybe that's ...

Meet Women In Free Dating - Do You Know How to Meet Adjacent Women Online To no end?

2015.05.12 06:55 angelinasara Meet Women In Free Dating - Do You Know How to Meet Adjacent Women Online To no end?

You can meet women with the desire of complimentary in your city for dating and state without a huge amount of effort. When you stroll around the entertainment focus, visit the business sector, and go to a strip mall you see a few dazzling women. You wish you could comprehend which ones are single and open, and which ones you need to avoid. It is considerably less requesting than you ever suspected.
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2020.09.22 02:16 Inevitable-Grape Any of you manage to successfully get off the dating apps?

If so, how did you manage to stop the temptation to get back on them?
I've been informed that they are primarily used for hookups and I guess I'll just have to stop using them.
I guess after a while I start to lose the dopamine fix from the attention I get. And I start to hope in vain some guy will be open to dating. I give up though. At the very least I need a break.
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2020.09.21 20:14 Blauwpetje Do women really want single men to lower their standards or is it just victim-blaming?

When the issue of lonely single men comes up, women and especially feminists often say: oooh, they only want the hotties, they should just lower their standards, beggars can't be choosers and they're not entitled to just any attractive girl.
But do the single women who are 'the market' for these men themselves really want them to lower their standards? Do they want a man who thinks, let alone says: well, I prefer having a partner to being alone and that considered, you're good enough? I have reasons to think otherwise.
I once met a woman who didn't go on dating sites because, she said, I don't want a man who just wants a woman, I want a man who wants me. And myself, after meeting a woman by online dating, regularly got the reaction a few days afterward: it was alright, but I missed the sparks flying around (from both sides, she meant then). This is not just vain or narcissist, but it has a core of realism in it. A relationship that is 'better than nothing' very much runs the risk of being short-lived because one of the two can meet somebody they like better, or just get fed up. So a woman might not risk a relationship with a man who doesn't really admire her.
That is not to say you should never lower your standards, especially when you remain too optimistic about meeting that movie star- or fairy tale princess-type. And 'I prefer having a partner to being alone and that considered, you're good enough' is not totally unreasonable either. But most women who say 'oooh men should just lower their standards' are just trying to deny many single men have a real problem and prefer lazy thinking about the whole issue IMHO.
submitted by Blauwpetje to LeftWingMaleAdvocates [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 19:31 _Glory-to-Arstotzka_ Embracing Your Sexuality Part 1 - An Overview

An Introduction to this series:

In an interview with The Christian Post, Cait West admits the following: “I felt very disconnected from my own body because I was never taught about the sexual part of me [...] I didn’t want to think about my own body or explore my own sexuality because it was a dirty part of me I wasn’t allowed to explore. It made me feel weird about living in my own body, and I didn’t realize just how much I hated my own body [...] I’ve had a lot of trouble with disassociation in sexually intimate moments because it’s too much for me to be present in my own body because it feels bad [...] For years, you’re told something is bad — and then suddenly you get married and you’re supposed to be OK with it. It was like I was trained not to have that part of me turned on or be aware of things.”
Does this sound familiar to you? Even as a single woman, this still hits close enough to home to feel like a sucker punch to my stomach.
If you are reading this now as a woman who’s sexuality has been held at a knife point your whole life — regardless if you’re single, dating, engaged, or married — I welcome you with open arms. Cait West’s story was close to my own not too long ago. The cobwebs of doubts and feelings of guilt and shame still linger. I understand your silent suffering, even if you have been trained out of thinking it is suffering. So I will say this as often as I can:
Your sexuality is NOT a sin. Your sexuality IS a gift of God. Your sexual desires are NORMAL and HEALTHY.
Over the next parts I will walk you through my own life as I attempt to unpack this struggle that so many Christian women face. You are not alone in this, and I hope you can learn to drop this unnecessary, crushing burden the church has put on you, just as I am learning to now.

What is “Purity Culture”?

Despite my admittedly excessive amounts of time on the internet, this was a term I didn’t come across until very recently. It’s one of those terms that attempts to encompass a broad cultural movement. Those who lived through that movement know exactly what it means, but struggle to define it exactly due to the different ways it manifested in various communities. Since I wasn’t one of the (un)lucky ones that lived through the birth and entrenchment of this movement, my approach to defining this is also broad.
In the 1980s and 1990s, there was a push across American society to lower teen pregnancy rates. This push came in the form of an aggressive swing away from the “free love” of the 60s and 70s. Abstinence was queen, women were charged with not tempting the men in dress or actions, and casual dating was discouraged.
If you feel you would be responsible for tempting a man by wearing leggings or being “overly” friendly, if you feel as though going on multiple first dates would tarnish your reputation and/or innocence, or if the idea of kissing before marriage scares you — not for fear of being tempted but for fear of doing something “dirty” — you have been inducted into this purity culture. Of course, these examples only scratch the surface of the vast impact this movement has had. These more serve as a waypoint to begin your expedition in determining how you’ve been affected by it.
While this movement died off in most all secular communities following the 90s, it continues to prevail in most Christian circles. This is where most conservative communities find themselves now.

How does churchianity view women?

(If you are unfamiliar with the term “churchianity”, it simply refers to church culture as opposed to biblical truth.)
This is not a subject I can broach easily, nor does it deserve to be glossed over. In my experience, Christian women are either seen as saved sluts or innocent virgins. That is to say: either she’ll be good in bed but not as a housewife or the other way around. But the keyword here is seen.
Whether one is a virgin or not is rather black and white. But being good in bed or being a good housewife are both things one can learn and become better at. The Bible actually has foundational wisdom and instruction for both of these areas. Just check out Song of Solomon for what a biblically endorsed sex life looks like. For being a good housewife, Proverbs is the most concentrated source, but you’ll find verses and examples scattered throughout the Bible.
So where are the horny virgins? The housewives in training? Don’t bother asking the church, for that much nuance would send it into a rage. How dare I even acknowledge the existence of Song of Solomon? Cover your eyes children, you 16 to 25 year olds, you’re far too young for that kind of forbidden knowledge.
I can joke about it now, but until you realize the ridiculousness of the purity culture the modern church clings to so tightly, you’ll likely look the other way when Song of Solomon is even mentioned, just as I used to do.

My “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad” first crush

I will be revisiting this topic in later posts, but let’s talk about how purity culture more or less broke me over the rocks of my first crush.
I used to think I was slow to achieve social milestones, with my primary evidence being how I didn’t have my first crush until I was around 13 years old. I distinctly remember as far back as kindergarten my peers “like liking” one another, or “like liking” me. But I couldn’t understand what made one like another enough that they had to have a different phrase to explain it. Then I had my own first crush, and boy did I have it bad.
I made his acquaintance shortly after joining his friend group during my last year of middle school. He was a strong Christian guy, in every sense of the word “strong”. Good-humored, intelligent, and active in sharing his faith with our non-Christian friends. I would be lying if I said I didn’t go weak in the knees whenever he unexpectedly approached or talked to me.
Now, recall that at this point: I am 13 years old, I’ve grown up in the church under the thumb of purity culture, and until now have only had the experience of treating my male peers as purely platonic friends. No one — not my parents or teachers or church elders or friends or even media — had prepared me for this moment.
To say I was a constant ball of nervous energy and my mind a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts would probably be an understatement. Even in retrospect, I still think it’s an understatement. I knew that if I told my parents or my church leaders about this, they would tell me in seemingly polite terms to disregard it. “Aw how sweet! I remember my first crush. You’ll have others honey. Wait until you’re older, you’re too young.” I was no dummy at 13. Personally, I knew that it wouldn’t make sense to date anyone until we were old enough to drive and work. But that reasoning was drowned in the vast ocean of disappointment in knowing that my feelings would not only not be validated, but would be shunned.
On the other hand, I couldn’t tell my friends either. The idea of him knowing about my feelings paralyzed me. Yes, the very idea of expressing interest in a guy frightened me: not because I was nervous of what he would think of me, but rather because I felt the act itself was wrong — almost sinful. Almost.
With the natural, healthy emotions inside me being denied natural, healthy outlets, I found myself shutting down. If I couldn’t talk to my parents or church for fear of disappointment, if I couldn’t tell my friends for fear of word getting back to him, if I couldn’t even hold his gaze without being completely overwhelmed, who could I tell? Who could I turn to? That’s a story for another post.

Our sexual foundation

8 years. It took me 8 years until I found RPC and woke up to the realization that God made me a woman, God made sex, and God made sex to be pleasurable.
Really think about that last point. Few animals engage in sexual acts for fun (although a fair number appear to find it pleasurable). For an overwhelming majority of the animal kingdom, sex is simply the means to the end of passing on one’s genes. It’s a drive; and it often requires specific conditions — such as the female being in heat or the season being spring. In regards to the animals that mate for life, a majority of them are birds and do so as a reproductive strategy to keep their offspring alive.
In short, humans don’t experience sex and sexual relationships in the same way animals do. We were actually gifted a far greater capacity for fulfillment, pleasure, and freedom in regards to sexual relations. Why? From the beginning, God intended marriage to be a reflection of His relationship with us (Christ’s relationship with the Church). Imagine reflecting the sun into your eyes using a warped and dirty mirror. You’d probably still blind yourself. Marriage is like that mirror. What a huge, completely undeserved blessing!
I’m sure many of you reading have already come to this conclusion, so now it’s time to take the next step: because sex is built into the very foundation of our personhood, you cannot live life normally without its context.
Note that I didn’t say you couldn’t live life normally without sex. I specifically mean sexual context. Men and women function differently on all levels: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Interactions are also colored by sexual context. A man conversing with another man is going to look different from a woman conversing with a woman, which in turn will look different from a man and a woman conversing.
Diving briefly into RP theory, sexual context also explains the nuances of interactions across the sexes. What women admire in one another is vastly different from what men admire in women, and vice versa. Understanding the polygamy vs hypergamy divide points to the nuts and bots of the differences in human sexuality.
The TL;DR here is that the purity culture’s biggest and most dangerous failing was not taking into account how foundational sexuality is to our very existence. Shunning the very mention of sex outside the marital bedroom has left and continues to leave so, so many young people adrift in a sea of self-imposed shame and confusion. Just like Cait. Just like me.

Leaving purity culture behind

If you’ve made it this far, it’s time to take the final and most difficult step: reintroducing yourself to sexual context and, most importantly, reconnecting with your own sexuality. This will look different for each one of you, but I’ll tell you the sub steps I took or am taking currently to give you an idea of where to start. (When I circle back to this topic in a later post, I will update and/or improve upon this list. Don’t consider it a master list or instructional guide. Again, this is more of a waypoint to begin your own expedition.)
The first thing I did was read “Come as you are” by Dr. Emily Nagoski. (NOTE: This book is secular and touches on homosexual relationships and porn. While I do recommend it, I do so tentatively. It was not written from a Biblical perspective, so keep that in mind while reading.) This book covers all sexual topics you could imagine from both a scientific and practical perspective. It’s specifically for women who don’t understand their own sexuality and teaches us how to embrace ourselves (with the nice side effect of drastically improving sex lives, for those of you who are married). There are some chapters or parts you may not feel ready to read. Personally I skipped over the part of orgasms on my first read because I didn’t feel ready to approach that topic. Remember: rebuilding a bridge doesn’t happen overnight! Don’t push yourself too far outside of your comfort zone, especially in areas as tumultuous as this. Reconnecting to your sexuality should be an exciting and joyous experience, not a nerve-wracking or uncomfortable one.
The second thing I did was allow myself to enjoy the sexual desires God gave me. Instead of quickly looking away from a guy I find attractive so as to avoid eye contact, I let myself pause and admire. And if we make eye contact, I smile. It took me a rather long time to work up the courage to do that, but each time after the first has been easier and easier.
Being attracted to a man is not sin, but if you allow your thoughts or eyes to linger too long it could lead to sinful sexual thoughts or opening the door for your heart to get inappropriately attached. To distinguish between the two, I frame the thoughts in the context of prayer. “Wow Lord, look at that man you made! He’s really been stewarding what You gave him” vs “Man, Lord if I could just be alone with that guy…” I’ve had both thoughts. The first one was me relating to God using humor (which He also made!) The second was sin, wherein the Holy Spirit immediately convicted me, I repented, and was able realign myself with God.
To add to that last point, I cannot stress enough that you need to make sure you include God on every step of this journey. How many women do you know or have heard of that swung hard the other way upon reaching college age? Such as dressing overtly provocatively or sleeping around. You will be tempted to go too far in your new found freedom, once you start down this path. Remember that you have freedom because of the absolute truth of God, found in the Bible.
The third thing I did, and am doing, is improving my body. Better wardrobe, better skin, makeup, working out, etc. Or to summarize it using the mantra of this community: No flat butts! Yes, this is to be attractive. But that’s only part of it. By improving your body, you’re forced to accept it as it is. For years and years I never felt comfortable in my own skin because I thought it was vain to take care of it. But God has explicitly charged us with stewarding — taking care of and improving — what we are given. This includes your body. So go all out! Be the best you you can be. God encourages us to! In accepting your body as it is, you’ll find peace. In improving it, you’ll find confidence.
Again, Joshua 1:8, keep God’s law on your lips always. Don’t go out of your way to dress provocatively. If you feel like you’re sinning by wearing something, then you probably are. If you’re unsure, find another Christian woman whose fashion sense you trust and have her help you find clothes.

Conclusion/final thoughts:

I began writing this as a response to purity culture, but the more I wrote the more I realized how many different branches on this tree of female sexuality, culture, and the Bible there are that could be explored. In the end, I decided that I could keep this as an intro/overview and expand on the different branches in later posts. Things like my own experience within this framework (alluded to in the part about my first crush), how we relate to ourselves, how we relate with the opposite sex, feminism and media, masculine vs. feminine, and so on. I haven’t yet written out all I want to cover, so this series may end up being fairly long, but I hope that wherever you’re coming from in your RPC journey, you’re on board for this ride.
Also, if you haven’t read Song of Solomon yet, what are you waiting for?
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2020.09.21 19:03 travisdorman Dorian Bluford was excited to move to Knoxville, Tennessee, in 2017. Within six hours, he was stabbed 37 times.

Hey all, I'm a reporter based in Knoxville, Tennessee, who's posted in this subreddit a couple times before. (See these posts on the baffling case of Blair Adams and the disappearance of 6-year-old Dennis Martin in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.)
I'm back today with a relatively recent case, the unsolved 2017 killing of Dorian Bluford.
Find the full write-up here: https://www.knoxnews.com/story/news/crime/2020/09/21/knoxville-stabbing-death-dorian-bluford-2017-remains-unsolved/5728340002/
Here's a shorter summary:
Bluford, 32, grew up in Monroe, Louisiana, and lived in Houston, Texas, for about 10 years. His family described him as a kind and quiet person who, at the same time, often proved to be the life of the party.
In 2016, Bluford came to Knoxville and lived for at least a month with a man whom he was dating at the time. One way or another, the two separated, and Bluford moved back to Houston, where he shared a house with his cousin. Then, in April 2017, Bluford abruptly announced that he planned to move to Knoxville for good, to once again be with this man.
Bluford's cousin had a bad feeling about this. She knew little about the man in Knoxville, and she tried to encourage Bluford not to leave behind his life in Houston. He wouldn't listen, though, and was clearly excited for what he called a fresh start. On May 30, 2017, Bluford flew from Houston to Knoxville. He posted his location on Facebook each step of the way, leaving behind a digital trail of some of his last moments alive.
Police have evidence suggesting that Bluford's boyfriend picked him up from the airport, and that the two went out to eat that night in Sevierville (less than an hour's drive from Knoxville). But the investigators aren't sure exactly how or why Bluford ended up on one of Knoxville's greenways, paved outdoor paths in wooded areas that are used for walking, jogging and biking.
A woman moving out of a house in north Knoxville called 911 at 9:48 p.m. on May 30, less than six hours after Bluford arrived in his new city. She said she heard screams coming from the nearby greenway: "He's stabbing me, he's stabbing me." She couldn't see anything, however, as lines of trees blocked her view.
A firefighter who responded to the scene found Bluford dead near the greenway. An autopsy found he'd been stabbed 37 times. The report reads as if he was stabbed over and over in the back before he turned around and tried in vain to defend himself.
Bluford had luggage and a cellphone, but police never found either. They also never found the murder weapon. Bluford's boyfriend didn't willingly speak with investigators; instead he hired a lawyer and had little to say. When police searched his car, they found Bluford's insurance card in the trunk.
Police say they don't have the evidence to prove what the boyfriend did and what he knew. Both investigators and family members believe a second person might have been involved because Bluford shouted, "He's stabbing me," and because the boyfriend checked into a motel with one guest shortly after the killing.
No one's been charged in Bluford's killing, which faded from the local news not long after it happened. But the case has always bothered me; it feels like a sad and shameful blot on our city. Police spoke about the details of the case for the first time for this story; they hope that someone with information will come forward to help crack the case. I hope so, too. Thanks for reading.
https://www.knoxnews.com/story/news/crime/2020/09/21/knoxville-stabbing-death-dorian-bluford-2017-remains-unsolved/5728340002/
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2020.09.21 16:55 Qoti I fucked up? Complicated break up

I feel like an idiot. Got dumped out of the blue on Aug 12. Kept NC for a month but we work together and couldn't avoid eachother forever. I tried looking for another job but the pandemic has made it very difficult.
The relationship was on and off . First time i called it quits because after many months of dating he still didn't know if he wanted to be my Bf. A month later he asked me to be his gf. Six months later he broke up with me bc he was unsure. Then got back together.
A year later I broke up with him bc I discovered he had a porn addiction (was looking at scort websites, couldn't keep it up, didn't want to have sex anymore). Discovering this heavily traumatized me and I'm still dealing with PTSD. He worked at his addiction and did everything to win me back, we were happy for a while, although i still had and have issues. Pandemic hit, things got difficult, I got more and more stressed and anxious. His cousin was murdered in April. He had a relapse. Tried to break up with me , waited it out a couple of days and decided to stay together.
Yesterday I went to work and opened the laptop, he had left a porn tab open. It triggered me really bad. I sent him a message to let him know gently i didnt want to see that and to be more careful, but before I was done telling him, he had already arrived. Told me he missed me. We ended up cuddling on the couch and talking about the relationship. He kept kissing my head gently.
After work I started crying. I demanded answers. To make sense of everything. He said he loved me. Kinda hinted at regretting the break up, that he just needed space to clear his head, hinting at wanting to get back together but aware that none of us are sure anymore. We cuddled and made out. I think he was just horny. I didn't want to leave, I was hugging him again and didn't want to be the last time. Told me he loved me, I told him I loved him more, he cried. He told me how pretty I was, how he loved my eyes, how he didn't wanna leave.
I feel this was stupid of me?
Since he is unable to say anything frank I told him what I had talked with my therapist: even if he asked me to get back together or the possibility opened up, I would not accept it, even if I miss him so much. It would be impulse. We have broken up so many times. Im tired of this. I want to break this cycle. We got issues to work on. I deserve someone that wants to be with me without a doubt. I tell myself that maybe if we are separated enough time to get our shit together, maybe in the future things will finally work out, it's probably just fantasy but its and incentive to stick to it.
But to be at work together? Its so difficult. The urge to hold his hand is too big, and now that I know he also misses me its worse. I feel kinda trapped and unable to scape this. Just because we miss eachother doesn't mean we are a good match, but seeing him makes it one millions times harder to go forward. I feel sick. I feel tired.
I feel hopeless that he is using porn again. He had developed porn induced ED, and overcame it. Does he not care about that? Is it so preferable over real women that he is willing to sacrifice his sex life knowingly again? Was the pain I went through in vain? I found some confort in thinking that at least my discovery and trauma served in waking him up and changing his life, even if we broke up. I kinda feel he broke up so he could consume in peace, and that though sickens me.
But i still miss him. I dont know if i can control myself from running into his arms next time i see him. I feel sick and tired of this. I wish I could run away and never see him again. How do I stick to my guns?
Sorry, this post is a huge mess.
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2020.09.21 16:11 throwawayawaworht_1 TL;DR - My (28/m) gf (26/f) acknowledges she could stand to lose weight but thinks doing so, and wanting to do so, upholds the unfair standard of beauty that favors the thin and fit. I feel and fear she's setting herself up for unhappiness with this line of thinking.

So yeah, My (28/m) gf (26/f) has stated multiple times recently that she's uncomfortable and self-conscious about her body. She's put on some weight, but not like a lot, since we've started dating over 3 years ago while I've consistently shed pounds and improved my fitness, but that's not really the point. She actually lost some weight to start the pandemic as she moved in with her parents for about the first three months, but in the last three months she's put it back on plus some, which was mutually determined to be due to her drinking less and her mom making the food decisions while she was under her parents' roof.
Anyway, our most recent in depth conversation about her weight feelings entailed her acknowledging she should try to lose weight but doing so, and even wanting to do so, is holding up the unrealistic and flawed standard of beauty that exists in the world. She also said that her mom telling her about what she's been eating to be healthier while they talk on the phone is a micro-aggression against her and a slight to lose weight.
While I agree that the standard of beauty is screwed up, I fear she's using it as an excuse to not have to lose weight. She also doesn't need to lose weight, nobody should have to feel like they should do something that isn't for their own gain, but her body image is actively causing her grief. I'm fearful and disheartened that she's setting herself up for unhappiness with any decision she makes with this.
I framed it to her from my perspective as while the world is a vain and rude place, a person's body goals are theirs and should be theirs only. It's up to the individual to work things out that's best for themselves. Yes some people will get fit to impress others, some may will strive to be skinny because they feel societal pressure, some people will do it for their health both physical and mental, some people like myself will do it to see what their body is capable of and to feel good because they can set their mind to something and achieve it. The standard of beauty shouldn't be at the forefront and tbh as a culture we've probably moved further away today in 2020 from the skinny is king/queen model than we've ever been since whenever it came into prominence. She's a defensive person so she wasn't really having these as rationalizations.
What I didn't say as to not upset her in the moment - weight loss if nothing else is healthy, while the extra pounds you're carrying aren't killing you, being even just active if not trim reduces complications. Being active can reduce stress which I feel she has a lot of. Drinking less or not at all at night could lead to weight loss with minimal effort, but continuing to do so without fitness activity will just leave you in a self-fulfilling stress loop. She's super into skincare and make-up, which while not apples to apples to weight loss, kind of feeds into the same standard of beauty. Being energized and having goals, and/or owning your appearance and being comfortable in your skin, is attractive. The former is more so than the latter for me personally but agonizing over this and doing nothing definitely isn't.
I just would like some perspective before I bring up the topic again citing my worries about her thought process and how I just want her to be happy and her best self, however she says it. Thanks in advance!
TL;DR - My (28/m) gf (26/f) acknowledges she could stand to lose weight but thinks doing so, and wanting to do so, upholds the unfair standard of beauty that favors the thin and fit. I feel and fear she's setting herself up for unhappiness with this line of thinking.
submitted by throwawayawaworht_1 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 14:06 throwawayawaworht_1 TLDR - My (28/m) gf (26/f) acknowledges she could stand to lose weight but thinks doing so, and wanting to do so, upholds the unfair standard of beauty that favors the thin and fit. I feel and fear she's setting herself up for unhappiness with this line of thinking.

So yeah, My gf has stated multiple times recently that she's uncomfortable and self-conscious about her body. She's put on some weight, but not like a lot, since we've started dating over 3 years ago while I've consistently shed pounds and improved my fitness, but that's not really the point. She actually lost some weight to start the pandemic as she moved in with her parents for about the first three months, but in the last three months she's put it back on plus some, which was mutually determined to be due to her drinking less and her mom making the food decisions while she was under her parents' roof.
Anyway, our most recent in depth conversation about her weight feelings entailed her acknowledging she should try to lose weight but doing so, and even wanting to do so, is holding up the unrealistic and flawed standard of beauty that exists in the world. She also said that her mom telling her about what she's been eating to be healthier while they talk on the phone is a micro-aggression against her and a slight to lose weight.
While I agree that the standard of beauty is screwed up, I fear she's using it as an excuse to not have to lose weight. She also doesn't need to lose weight, nobody should have to feel like they should do something that isn't for their own gain, but her body image is actively causing her grief. I'm fearful and disheartened that she's setting herself up for unhappiness with any decision she makes with this.
I framed it to her from my perspective as while the world is a vain and rude place, a person's body goals are theirs and should be theirs only. It's up to the individual to work things out that's best for themselves. Yes some people will get fit to impress others, some may will strive to be skinny because they feel societal pressure, some people will do it for their health both physical and mental, some people like myself will do it to see what their body is capable of and to feel good because they can set their mind to something and achieve it. The standard of beauty shouldn't be at the forefront and tbh as a culture we've probably moved further away today in 2020 from the skinny is king/queen model than we've ever been since whenever it came into prominence. She's a defensive person so she wasn't really having these as rationalizations.
What I didn't say as to not upset her in the moment - weight loss if nothing else is healthy, while the extra pounds you're carrying aren't killing you, being even just active if not trim reduces complications. Being active can reduce stress which I feel she has a lot of. Drinking less or not at all at night could lead to weight loss with minimal effort, but continuing to do so without fitness activity will just leave you in a self-fulfilling stress loop. She's super into skincare and make-up, which while not apples to apples to weight loss, kind of feeds into the same standard of beauty. Being energized and having goals, and/or owning your appearance and being comfortable in your skin, is attractive. The former is more so than the latter for me personally but agonizing over this and doing nothing definitely isn't.
I just would like some perspective before I bring up the topic again citing my worries about her thought process and how I just want her to be happy and her best self, however she says it. Thanks in advance!
submitted by throwawayawaworht_1 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 11:43 Bhiccy Back to square one...again... again.

Hi all... I just kinda want to talk and let things off my chest... I guess I don't really have people to talk to about all of this irl. So ty in advance for your time <3
My ex and I broke up exactly 4 months ago. Our relationship was a year and 6 months long and he broke things off with me.
First month of the break up was a lot of me begging and compromising, him saying maybe in the future we'd get together but not now. I eventually told myself to respect him and give him the space he wanted.
Second month- we didn't really text in the beginning ( i was trying to do like no contact in vain) but I did continue to stalk his social medias occasionally, hurt myself a lot by doing that. Then, one night, i was listening to the playlist he made for me on spotify and it showed me he was listening to it as well, picking the same songs as me. I then listened to a random song titled I miss you and he did the same (i know its a bit cringe haha) I reached out and to not get into the deets. he said he was suicidal, i tried to help him, he said some horrible things and pushed me away so I went no contact.
End of month 3 ( few weeks ago) I grew weak after having to go back to our old hangout and i messaged him. I said I hated not talking to him and I missed him; he said i miss you too and we talked a bit. I asked him if we could meet for coffee and he said yes but it wasn't after a lot of cold messages from him, late replies, leaving me on delivered for days that we decided on a Saturday that worked for both of us. Basically I said the wrong date which ended up being on a Thursday not the saturday we agreed on.. he didn't pick up on my mistake.
The week comes and on that Monday I confirm if im seeing him on the weekend he says yes. on Saturday i double check and say all good for today? he said oh i have a fam dinner i thought it was Thursday, sorry. I apologized for the mix up and asked to do Sunday and he left me with "maybe some other time" I left it as that, didn't message him or anything. I was a little hurt but I just internalized it and once again went into no contact... but to work no myself
I start filling my time up with work, seeing my friends and trying new things like a wine and painting class and then... Last night I get a message from my ex saying;
hey, im sorry for mistreating you and for the date. I just hope things are going good for you (pleading face, our emoji we like to send to each other).
I didnt reply until this arvo because I was not expecting it, he never initiates anything with me.
my reply was Thank you for reaching out and I appreciate your apology. I guess Ive figured if you wanted to see me you’d make it happen. So i don’t hate you for not wanting to see me. I forgave you for everything, you just gotta forgive yourself now. Hope you’re doing well x (pleading face)
He's left me on read and deleted the playlist he made for me on spotify ( still follows)... I thought I was okay but now im a wreck, sobbing my heart out again. I guess I still had hope and now so it just like im back at day one of the breakup
Any advice? thoughts? idk first relationship, first love, i feel like an idiot.
submitted by Bhiccy to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 11:39 Skomwtfyb I’m not sure what I’m feeling but I don’t like it...

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years now. He is so sweet, so kind, so respectful to me. I know he really loves me and I know he wants to marry me eventually but I’m not sure... I started dating him when I was almost 16 and now I’m about to turn 20. Logically I want to end it but in my heart I just can’t. One of my biggest issues I have is just his genetics. It sounds weird and vain but it’s the truth. His family is very typical, white American Christians and my family is half Colombian, half Eastern European, first and second generation so we’re barely American. But I don’t think he’s my type anymore. I like foreign guys. I honestly just don’t feel as much sexual attraction anymore. He also cares about my pleasure so that’s another hard thing to let go of... also, I think long term and his genetics are not so great. He has major depression, major anxiety, ADHD, and possibly bi polar. Again I’m really not trying to seem like a shitty person because I do help him a lot with it but he is suicidal sometimes and it would just hurt me to pass that onto my kids... another issue I’m having is that I don’t think he can finish college. Education is very important to me. He’s an intelligent person it’s just his mental health that’s making it so challenging for him. I think I’m having a hard time accepting my feelings because he is really wonderful to me in every way and I don’t want to break his heart. He really is an amazing person and I love him to death. I’m a jealous person (not toxic tho) so it would be really hard to see him with someone else. I just feel like I’d like to date other people for a while then eventually marry him. But I don’t know. I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do. He’s my best friend and I really care for him but I just feel like it’s not the best thing for me. Every time I even think of breaking up with him it makes me really sad and makes me want him... so I’m not really sure what I want... thoughts?
submitted by Skomwtfyb to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 02:00 TopOfTheBot Top of the Day - 21/09/2020

Top of the Day for 21/09/2020

[FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/TopOfThe/comments/dtlta2/mod_post_info_and_faq/ Discord GitHub)
Times shown are in UTC and dates are formatted as Day/Month/Year.
On mobile you can scroll and slide the tables to reveal more info.

Most Upvoted Posts of the Day

Place Title Author Subreddit Score Posted
1st The scene at the U.S. Supreme Court tonight at RBG’s vigil. Unprecedented. u/DelightfullyHostile pics 129,320 Upvotes 20/09/2020 01:11 UTC
2nd What if God came down one day and said "It's pronounced 'Jod' then left? u/esi_disi AskReddit 128,089 Upvotes 20/09/2020 14:01 UTC
3rd Me so smart u/Archit299792458 memes 107,746 Upvotes 20/09/2020 03:33 UTC
4th I have my suspicions u/sype10 memes 91,729 Upvotes 20/09/2020 08:46 UTC
5th Too easy u/YeetVegetabales dankmemes 90,507 Upvotes 20/09/2020 06:28 UTC

Most Upvoted Comments of the Day

Note: These may not be entirely accurate. Currently these are out of the comments taken from the top 5 submissions.
Place Body Author Subreddit Score Posted
1st “I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.” u/tealhouse AskReddit 42,201 Upvotes 20/09/2020 15:05 UTC
2nd #Joddamnit. u/NiceBeaver2018 AskReddit 30,088 Upvotes 20/09/2020 14:52 UTC
3rd A large chunk of my taking the lord's name in vain would go away. u/tacknosaddle AskReddit 27,201 Upvotes 20/09/2020 15:29 UTC
4th Does that mean Jesus would be pronounced Geezus? u/BarkerDrums AskReddit 20,174 Upvotes 20/09/2020 14:17 UTC
5th Do you want a Holy War? Because that's how you get a Holy War. u/glossolalienne AskReddit 18,133 Upvotes 20/09/2020 15:15 UTC
submitted by TopOfTheBot to TopOfThe [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 23:35 WhoStoleMyCake My entitled mother publicly insults my girlfriend in an effort to sabotage our relationship, this time (almost) successfully.

This happened over the course of this weekend, Tldr at the bottom.
My egg donor never liked my girlfriend (Eva, we've known each other for 6 years, 2,5 of which we're dating), however things have changed dramatically towards the worse when we started plotting moving in together in late 2019.
It's not like my mother hates Eva for her personality, she's the most amazing person in that matter, my mother hates her because she's a bigoted islamophobe and xenophobe.
Eva is daughter of a Muslim immigrant (though Eva herself is atheist) and is of descent of 3 foreign countries. This makes her an "immigrant terrorist filth" in my mother's eyes.
This however is not the only reason. Not only she has problem with Eva's family background, but as well with how she looks. There's something absolutely gorgeous about Eva. She has vitiligo (literally everywhere) and a huge scar. In my mother's eyes however, this makes her a "disgraceful freak of nature that shouldn't breed". It broke my heart when I first heard her say it and it was one of the reasons why I wanted to get away from her (mother of course)
Anyway, after numerous attempts at sabotaging us moving in together, all being in vain and backfiring, she has found another way: Social media.
My mother knew of Eva's social media, however never paid attention to it until yesterday. Operation Public Insult was all set up to begin.
I was with my father to help him out with some farm work. On the way back home, Eva texted me that I have to get back.
Back home I found Eva crying with her phone on the table. When I asked her what happened, she told me to take a look and behold. My mother apparently made a comment on the most recent photo (then from a few hours ago), saying something along:
,,I don't understand how someone can look so disgusting and dare to show off like a slut on the internet. Trully a disgusting person and behavior."
note: It was a photo of Eva in a short sleeve t-shirt and shorts, showing Eva's skin condition and scar.
Our friends have been quick to stand up for Eva and call my mother similar terms regarding her behaviour towards Eva. Then I looked through other photos, all of the somewhat recent ones had some nasty comment from my mother.
Anyway, ton of comforting and a tub of ice-cream later, I have texted my mother that this time she crossed the line by too fucking far for me even considering to ever forgive her such a behavior, that there's no way I want her anywhere near our home ever again and that no matter what she says, I will always choose Eva over her.
She then called me and went on a full rant about how disrespectful I am, how she gave birth to me, how I will break up with her anyway, how she's just leeching of me and how there are better looking girls out there.
Another note: as said, we've been together for 2,5 years. 2,5 years, we started dating when we were 15 (we're both 18 now), the time when relationships last a few months, and Eva has no particular reason to leech of me as she's from richer family than I am. And for me, there are no better looking girls.
I just responded: ,, I'll remind you when you'll demand to see grandkids, grandkids whose mother is the most beautiful person in the world and maternal grandmother is a Muslim and unlike you, both are great people" and ended the call. I ignored the tens of messages saying basically the same things I already wrote.
Today, Eva and I both made new accounts, made them private, deleted the old ones and let know everyone other than my mother.
Tomorrow we're changing our phone numbers as well. And again, giving the new one to everyone excluding my mother and hoping that my family members respect our wishes to never let my mother know our new numbers and social media.
Sure, it's an inconvenience, however that's the least of my worries as now Eva's family knows how my mother sees Eva and her mother...so I was worried that this time my mother's sabotage would be successful.
However, I got a call from Eva's mother a few hours ago. She asked me if my mother is serious, to which I anxiously replied "unfortunately yes". Then she asked me, how I see Eva, if I truly love her. My response was that I love her more than anything and anyone else, that Eva is the most beautiful and amazing person ever. She then asked me if I have any particular problems with her being Muslim and a foreigner, to which I said no and that I actually find it interesting a non offensive way.
She then talked to Eva, who confirmed everything. Thankfully, Eva's mother is very understanding and hasn't forbidden us 2 from living together, still, I don't think that the incident of yesterday made me any good in Eva's family's eyes.
Mini update: phone numbers changed, mother's comments were reported to the site.
Tldr: My mother hates my girlfriend, tried to sabotage our relationship numerous times, yesterday she found a way which made me look bad in Eva's family's eyes.
submitted by WhoStoleMyCake to entitledparents [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 14:46 playerpi314 Guild with 50 x HoK 15 on W44

Have an idea to create a F2P guild on W46 server with only goal to build 50 x HoK 15 (or as much as possible) at week 9 or 10.
The guild would have absolutely NO other requirements on skills, level, potions, thirst.
Even early HoK level won't matter (to allow pushing Fortress 15 before HoK) .
After all those HoKs are ready, the guild will focus on becoming the best F2P guild on the server.
Looking for very active players who can do Fortress attacks many times per day. You will be given instructions on what to build after what and how to do Fortress attacks.
It would also be good if you plan to play until the late game on that server, so the effort of building all that is not in vain.
In a few days will create a discord server so we can gather the players earlier and discuss the strategy for fortress development.
PS. The idea initially was to do that on W44, but realized W44 will fill with black gems on Black Friday even without a single HoK 15 (100% drop chance of Black gems at that date). So postponed the idea for the first server that starts after Black Friday (probably W46).
submitted by playerpi314 to shakesandfidget [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 09:27 Skomwtfyb I’m not sure what I’m feeling but I don’t like it..

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years now. He is so sweet, so kind, so respectful to me. I know he really loves me and I know he wants to marry me eventually but I’m not sure... I started dating him when I was almost 16 and now I’m about to turn 20. Logically I want to end it but in my heart I just can’t. One of my biggest issues I have is just his genetics. It sounds weird and vain but it’s the truth. His family is very typical, white American Christians and my family is half Colombian, half Eastern European, first and second generation so we’re barely American. But I don’t think he’s my type anymore. I like foreign guys. I honestly just don’t feel as much sexual attraction anymore. He also cares about my pleasure so that’s another hard thing to let go of... also, I think long term and his genetics are not so great. He has major depression, major anxiety, ADHD, and possibly bi polar. Again I’m really not trying to seem like a shitty person because I do help him a lot with it but he is suicidal sometimes and it would just hurt me to pass that onto my kids... another issue I’m having is that I don’t think he can finish college. Education is very important to me. He’s an intelligent person it’s just his mental health that’s making it so challenging for him. I think I’m having a hard time accepting my feelings because he is really wonderful to me in every way and I don’t want to break his heart. He really is an amazing person and I love him to death. I’m a jealous person (not toxic tho) so it would be really hard to see him with someone else. I just feel like I’d like to date other people for a while then eventually marry him. But I don’t know. I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do. He’s my best friend and I really care for him but I just feel like it’s not the best thing for me. Every time I even think of breaking up with him it makes me really sad and makes me want him... so I’m not really sure what I want... thoughts?
submitted by Skomwtfyb to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 04:57 applying2skoolz best friend has become someone i don’t even know and it’s making me sad

She’s become really really different over quarantine and we have gotten into some fights, hung out only once, and gotten really different. She didn’t social distance at all, even when ppl rlly close to me and our other friends were dying of covid, we got ina fight over it and she told me i was jealous that she was allowed to go out and i wasn’t. she’s rlly self obsessed now and will post pictures with the caption “i’m so fucking pretty” literally every day i mean 100% seriously.
Both of us agreed only a few months ago that we were going to save our virginity for our first serious long term boyfriend and she lost it to a guy she has been hooking up with who refuses to officially date her. And I was shocked at first but I didn’t really think it was a big deal, she made the decision so she must have felt ready, and i figured I was the only one she told. Now she posts a selfie after everytime she gets railed and brags about how her parents are in the next room. and she used to make me feel guilty for making out with this guy in the park once!!!!! she makes fun of me for having a political club at school, i’ve started a small business that everyone but her has bought from (it’s not a money thing). i literally gave her the first thing i made for free and she wears it everyday, you would think she would buy something else from me for under $10 just to support me right??? She posts herself smoking and drinking, things I both do but I think posting it on social media is the trashiest thing you can ever do. that was something we both used to think. especially since she had freshman and rlly impressionable ppl on social media.
she only texts me when she wants to talk abt guys or gossip abt other ppl, she only facetimes me when she’s exceptionally bored, she responds to texts and snaps days later so i stopped texting her. out of all people i didn’t think my best friend would switch up so so much. i don’t want to be friends with someone who is so vain anyways so it doesn’t hurt that much but it just sucks that i got so distant from my old best friend in fall of senior year.
submitted by applying2skoolz to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 04:47 coffeeorigami I Finally Gave Myself Permission To Be Happy

For the last five months I’ve only left my house 3 times (doctor appointments). I have an autoimmune condition and take very strong immunosuppressants and chemotherapy (as they’re the only treatment available for my condition). So I won’t be free to be out and about until a good vaccine for COVID-19 is available. Being isolated has really made me re-evaluate my goals and my life. For a long time most (if not all) of my energies were spent on pursuing prestige - especially my degrees and various skills I could gain (like various foreign languages, coding, and so on). And it was okay sometimes - but it never really made me happy. I’d accomplish something, but it would feel empty, and then I’d go after something else in the vain hope that maybe this time, this accomplishment would (finally) magically make me a worthy person. And well, that’s total bullshit.
These last few months spent in quarantine have given me plenty of time to ruminate on my feelings and really parse them out. And I realized that what makes me the most contented is the time I’ve spent with my family, travel to various places, time spent in nature, and being able to read whatever books I want; it’s my relationships and transitory experiences that have given me the most joy and contentment. So I’ve decided to do a series of COVID-resolutions, with a time-frame from 8 months to about 1 year. The big-end goal is to improve my life through relationships: romantic and platonic. For a long time I avoided romantic relationships because I thought no would want to be in a relationship with someone who had a chronic illness. Over the last few years I had gained weight since I had to take steroids as part of my treatment (honestly, I hate steroids more than I hate chemo) and being bigger made me feel ugly. But I don’t think that’s necessarily true anymore. I want a spouse and a family of my own, and this is the first time I’ve even allowed myself to want something like that in a very long time. So my ‘C19 Resolutions’ are to get fit (I’ve already lost 40 lbs in the last 5 months!), and to become more social. Losing the weight is integral to me feeling confident enough to be able to go on dates. I’ve also talked with my work supervisor about moving up in the company I work for wherein I can use the degrees and professional training I have, and saving up for a house with a couple of acres (I love to garden and have always dreamt of having my own fruit orchard).
Those are really big goals, but once I gave myself permission to be honest about what would actually make me happy versus what I thought I was “supposed” to want it was like all the anxiety and angst I’d been feeling for years drained out of me. I feel unburdened for the first time in over a decade, and I’m looking forward to working hard to overcome the obstacles I know that I’ll face on this journey.
submitted by coffeeorigami to selfimprovement [link] [comments]


2020.09.19 18:50 hpennspenn Redwood Alchemy and The Moonlit Maiden Reviews

Let's dive right in! I found both of these lovely stores on etsy, but was guided there by none other that you beautiful souls. I am very new to reviews, but I have to give both of these shops justice by at least trying!
So first up is Redwood Alchemy! I purchased the scent Arete immediately after seeing a post announcing her launch! Described as " As ephemeral as the fae winds. Notes: Lily of the Valley, Vanilla, Amber, Cashmere"
https://www.etsy.com/shop/RedwoodAlchemy?ref=notif_nfyfs&order=date_desc
Mind you these scents, from both creators, have traveled through wildfires, over vast elevation changes, jostling, and mail shock, so after resting the scents are likely to develop into something even more magnificent.
I'm stalling.... Okay Arete: Wet there is a burst of fresh crisp woods, there is simply no other way to describe it. I am not a pro at identifying individual notes, but this is exactly what I envision a 80 foot redwood tree smelling like down to its roots. Dry down leads to a robust, crisp, ethereal feel of being enveloped by nature, exploring the woods, headed to grandmothers house cloaked in only my red hood for defense. But this young lady is not defenseless, beneath her red hood is a backbone, ready to fight. This scent remains woody, but green. Not mossy, but fresh. This is the worst comparison, but think of fresh saw-dust! This is not rotting, or forgotten wood on the side of your home. It is loved and nurtured and wrapped with layers of warmth. My husband, who rarely likes any of my scent choices, smelt this and said, "Oh that's nice!" Beautifully unisex and versatile. I cannot wait to see how a little rest rounds out this lovely purchase!
P.S. The shop owner of Redwood Alchemy is legit someone who I would love to sit down and ponder the world with! Down to earth, fresh and cutting with a great wit, and extremely quick with responses. Well done!
Now the Moonlit Maiden! Firstly, this shop owner is also amazingly responsive, beyond accommodating, and a pure joy to work with! I didn't harass her quite as much lol But I have a feeling she and I could easily banter back and forth delving into all manners of discussion. My first order went missing, USPS, *gasp* HOWEVER, Jasmine herself was who brought this to my attention! She was uncomfortable with how long this order was taking to arrive, which didn't seem that long to me, maybe 10 days, and asked if she could send me a replacement! I was truly blown away. I opted to wait another week to see if my package arrived, sadly USPS ate it :( Have no fear! Jasmine sent replacements of my entire order! And this time we tasted sweet success!
https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheMoonlitMaiden?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=676055904
Hades Fragrance: Sandalwood, Black Licorice, Night Air
A darkly sweet scent meant for the King of the Underworld. While he was widely feared, he was not the god of death that would bring people's lives to an end. That was the true god of death, Thanatos. Hades ruled over the souls of the dead and decided the fates of their eternal souls. To live in paradise, or to live in torture. In a few versions Hades had gotten creative with his punishments to mortal souls at the request of other gods, but he was never an evil soul who plotted downfalls or took advantage of women. Not even in the original story between him and Persephone.
I made this scent after a tired, dark man who was good at his job and knew it.
Wet Hades initially has a slightly masculine scent produced by the licorice, although the idea of assigning sex based on scent seems ridiculous in my opinion. But this scent is snuggly and spicy and Hades is damn alluring! I can't accurately comment as to throw or wear length, as I've been testing all morning with rinse, wash repeat. All in all this is a great licorice scent if the candied licorice is simply too much for you. This isn't candy sweet. This is sexy licorice with a spike of nature. I really really like this!
Leo Fragrance: Frankincense, Myrrh, Amber, Patchouli, Peach
ONLY AVAILABLE UNTIL AUGUST 22ND!!!!
Leos are born from July 23rd to August 22nd. Leos are likely to express themselves in dramatic, creative, and assertive ways. Leos have great energy and courage, and are very honest. They rarely lack in self-confidence and enjoy being the center of attention, as so they often are. They are natural leaders, despite being self-indulgent at times. They are determined with an instinct for integrity. Leos are ruled by the sun and show it as they bask in the spotlight.
I made this fragrance to be musky, to feel warm. There is only a hint of sweetness with the sun-kissed peach as this was made for the Leos that enjoy the smell of warmth. The musk and sweet combine for a scent that is to resemble the heat, the sun, and standing for an ovation.
Oh Leo you sexy beast you! This is sweet and reminiscent of a trip to bath and body works, minus the headache. Not a scent I would typically wear, but I couldn't resist with my love for frank, myrrh, and patch. The combination here keeps the peach from being overpowering, but I would still say it's the centerpiece. This dries down and is sooo much better! Dry this is a comforting festive seasonal scent that I could see wearing during summer and early fall.
Dragon Fragrance: Campfire, Cinnamon, Harvest Spice
The oldest dragons can be dated back to chinese mythology although winged beasts/serpants can be found in many different regions and time periods. While in the middle ages, Europeans believed in winged beasts that could breathe fire, in chinese mythology Dragons were wise, more serpent-bodied, beasts that were praised as well as feared.
I made this scent to symbolize a dragon's breath or aura for their fire. Dragon is one of our strongest because of the blending of Harvest Spice, spicy Cinnamon, and intense Campfire.
Dragon comes out with that cinnamon ready to smolder any threats to his hidden treasure! But I'm willing to fight him for it! This harvest spice note she utilizes is revolutionary. I really am loving it! The Dragon may be kin to the headless horseman, but they do not resemble each other in the least. Where Headless Horseman has more of a softening sweet note, Dragon is sugar and spice, minus the sugar. This is not potpourri, this is balanced and lovely! If you like some spice in your life, get a pet dragon!
Headless Horseman Fragrance: Harvest Spice, Night Air, Pumpkin Pie
The legend of the Headless Horseman can be tracked back to many cultures and mythologies over the years. One of the most famous stories of a Headless Horseman, beside the Tale of Sleepy Hallow, was named Sir Gawain and The Green Knight. In Camelot, a mysterious knight came with a challenge for Arthur and his knights. If it was possible for one of them to win by chopping his head off, he would come back in a year and be allowed to do the same to the victor. In King Arthur's place, Sir Gawain fought the knight and won by chopping his head off. To his utter surprise, the Green Knight picked up his head, reminded King Arthur of the promise, and rode off with his head on the front of his saddle.
I made this scent with Halloween also in mind since that's when this legend is currently most prominent. The Harvest Spice and pumpkin pie make for a strong impression while the night air represents the mist and time that the Headless Horseman always seems to appear.
So this is my favorite thus far! I hate to compare to other brands, but if you are familiar with hexennacht's chai-mallow, this reminds me of it. Seeing as it's my personal favorite, I am happily loving this! Where they differ is there is a slightly more edgy spice to Headless Horseman. I see this being a great hit!!!
Mermaid Fragrance: Ocean Breeze, Lotus Blossom, Awapuhi-Seaberry
Assuming Mermaids, Selkies, and Sirens are different creatures, Mermaids seem to be the most benevolent of the three. They are known for bestowing luck and good fortune, and falling in love with humans. The first stories of mermaids seemed to appear in Assyria when their goddess, Atargatis, turned herself into a mermaid out of shame from accidentally killing her lover.
I made this scent in assumption that the multiple mythological sea creatures were sperate beings. Since Mermaids seem to be the most kind, I blended in Awapuhi-Seaberry for it's sweetness, along with Lotus Blossom for its comforting scent, and Ocean Breeze to signify a mermaid's home.
This is venturing out of my comfort zone, as I'm not typically an aquatic gal. But after this, I just might be. Wet this reminds me of professional perfumery. It's very airy, while sweet, and balanced. I've encountered a scent like this before, but I cannot place it! This dries down to something gorgeous. Definitely more throw to this scent, and I don't think you or anyone around you will be disappointed by it. This is truly lovely, and very very tempting!
Witch Fragrance: Coffee, Cafe Mocha, Caramel, Vanilla
A witch is a woman who practices many or one form of witchcraft or magic. Witches were once a revered people who helped and healed others but have since been condemned and purged by those who have feared them. Through determination, or maybe even the same magic they use, witchcraft is still practiced by many witches even today.
I made this scent based off of the witches I've come to know in my own life. Hard working women who practice the craft while rushing to work with only some coffee to get them through the morning.
A CARAMEL THAT I DO NOT DESPISE!!! Oh this is a really good coffee scent. There is a nuttiness, dry fresh espresso, and billowing cloud catching this scent ensnaring it warmth. This dries down effortlessly into a coffee blend I would actually wear! Good throw on this one!
Pixie Fragrance: Brown Sugar, Vanilla, Honey, Oatmeal, Milk
Pixies are belived to be of Celtic origin and although similar, have had a mostly tense and war-like relationship with Faeries in early folklore. Pixies are mischievous, childlike, and adventurous. They love sweet things and will gather in huge groups to dance, or even wrestle, with each other.
I made this scent off of a Pixie's friendly and sweet-loving nature. Oatmeal, honey, and milk make for a gritty and sweet mix with the Vanilla and brown sugar to make it even sweeter. While the Oatmeal calms it down, this is a definitely a sickly sweet scent that any pixie might be attracted to.
Pixie comes out with that brown sugar on the tip of her tongue, ready to give you a piece of her mind! But then she quickly sees a star that she must capture, and she simply soars. Oh this is nice, gourmand lovers, take note. There is a nuttiness here, reminiscent of Witch. I did not expect such transformation throughout each scent, but I am happy to report, initial sniff is not what you get here folks. Nope, you must wait for the dry down. Pixie is lovely, and everything I look for in a comfy warm snuggly sit on my porch wrapped in a blanket type of wear. The vanilla finally comes out, or maybe it's the honey. Whoever it is, you just make this scent a full blown orgasmic hit! I like this one far too much!
Aphrodite Fragrance: Rose, Coconut, Vanilla
Goddess of Love and Beauty, but not commitment, Aphrodite had many affairs even though she was married to Haphaestus, the god of fire and smithing. In some versions, she was known as Zeus' daughter, but she was actually born from the sea froth of Kronos' jingle bells when they were cut off and fell into the sea. She is famously vain and in love with love, but has shown a kinder side now and again. Just don't make her jealous...
I made this scent to capture Aphrodite's amourous scent but also the place of her birth. Just a few drops of Coconut mixed with a middle not of Rose and soft vanilla to tie it all together.
Aphrodite is a temptress, and I'm not going to lie, rose, you scared me. We have a strained relationship, swinging from love to hate all to often. There is no in-between, it is either or. But this is rose done right, in my opinion. This reminds me of the face cream I spoil myself with from sherrisoapopera off etsy. This is supremely balanced, and never ventures into old lady territory for me, but delivers utter sophistication. The coconut comes out to dance during the dry down, bringing this scent around to a beautifully packaged luxurious wear. I am pleasantly shocked by this choice! This is garden party ready, do we do those anymore? We should... I like big hats
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2020.09.19 06:34 RayneInSoul Not as pretty

What is wisest and healthiest strategic response (or reaction) to those who comment on my mother being better looking, and therefore better, than me? She's always been prettier, and my father has compared us and cut me down by saying I wasn't as beautiful as she is. My mother recently recalled a man she knew in her youth who met her recently and said that I just wasn't pretty, like she was. Pretty much all my life I've felt as though people compare us and I'm forced to consider my mother as competition. She's my mother for crying out loud. I'm not in a beauty pageant where I'm competing against my mother. What do I say to these vain losers and how do I rise above their ignorant cutting remarks? This sort of thing has managed to destroy a lot of relationships in my life because I feel as though if no one is going to value me there's no point in even trying to date. There's always going to be someone prettier...
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2020.09.18 20:11 Whitewyne Robert Redwyne, Lord of Dragonstone

(Note, I had included an AC in my Step 1 but have now decided to proceed without an AC for the time being and will consider adding them later on.)

Meta Information

Character Name: Robert Redwyne
Starting Title(s): Lord of Dragonstone, Master of Ships, Ser
Age: 54
Physical Description: Robert is a man whose receding hair and grizzled hair betray the absence of his youth. A thin man but not necessarily frail. He stands an average height of 5'8" and sports blue eyes.
Starting Location: King's Landing
Attribute: Bellicose
Skill Points: 22
Skills: Leadership (CHA), Naval Warfare (MAR), Navigation (MAR), Naval Engineering (EDU), Finances (EDU)
Mastery: Admiral (MAR)
CHA MAR COM INT STE STA EDU MAG
4 10 0 0 0 1 7 0
Username: Whitewyne
Discord Username: hwk
Other Characters: Elenei Gower, Wallace Whitecapp
Robert Redwyne is the first born son of Randyll Redwyne and Bethany Bar Emmon. He was born in 329 AC and inherited Dragonstone in 345 AC after the passing of his grandfather, Hobber Redwyne. His father, Randyll passed in 340 AC when Robert was only 11 years old. This left him five years to learn under his grandfather and his education was largely focused on the sea. As the new overlords of Dragonstone the Redwynes had a formidable fleet and Lord Hobber wanted to ensure that his grandson would know how to utilize it. When he inherited Dragonstone at the age of 16 he dedicated himself to mastering the seas. He quickly became one of the top admirals in Westeros.

Basic Information (OPTIONAL)

Birth Name: Robert Redwyne
Titles: Lord of Dragonstone, Master of Ships
Gender: Male
Date of Birth: 14th Day, Second Moon of 329 AC
Location: King's Landing
Culture: Andal
Religion: Faith of the Seven
Affiliations: House Redwyne of Dragonstone, House Tyrell of King's Landing
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Brown but greying
Height: 5’8”
Liege: Queen Myrcella Tyrell
Predecessor: Lord Hobber Redwyne
Heir: Hobber Redwyne

History

Robert Redwyne is only the second of his family to rule Dragonstone since being gifted the small island by Myrcella I Baratheon. He is the first born grandson of Lord Hobber Redwyne and great grandson of Lord Paxter Redwyne who provided his fleet to liberate the Shield Islands from the Ironborn. Robert was born in 329 to his parents, Randyll Redwyne and Bethany Bar Emmon. His childhood was much of what you would expect from a boy growing up on an desolate island so close to the capital of the continent. He longed to be there and not on Dragonstone. Every day he would awake looking to the west and wishing he had one of the Dragons of old that he could ride across the Narrow Sea on and be in King's Landing within hours. Instead he was trapped on this island with little to do. He was aware of the fact that one day this castle would be his but that felt such a far away thing that he desired to live and be free until such a time came. Unfortunately, his eyes were opened to how quickly things can change in 340 Ac when he was but eleven years old.
As the Bastards of the Tides terroized the Narrow Sea, House Redwyne tried to form a resonpse. The attempt to put an end to the years of misery and terror was put together and led by Randyll Redwyne, the heir to Dragonstone and Robert's father. He led a fleet of Redwyne vessels from Dragonstone and sailed straight for the Stepstones hoping to hit the pirates at their core and cripple their ability to wage their atrocities any longer. In the end it was a remarkable failure. Only two vessels of the original fleet limped home and among the dead was the bold and confident heir to Dragonstone. Suddenly, at only the age of eleven and with an ever aging grandfather, Robert was thrust into the unenviable position of being prepped for an impending Lordship.
Lord Hobber did all he could in his ever increasing age to prepare his grandson with all the things he would need to know. But Robert was still a boy and lessons took time to take root. Time that Hobber did not have. There was one thing that Hobber was able to successfully instill in his young grandson though. A love for the sea. Robert had dreamed of flying away from Dragonstone as the Targaryens of old once did for all his youth. That was never a realistic dream but when he realized that ships could do the exact same as the dragons of old he was captivated. There was seldom a day where Robert was not aboard a ship, learning how to navigate it, learning how to read the sky, and studying what made the ships effective. He knew there were secrets that had yet to be unlocked about seafaring and he was determined to find them.
He was sixteen when his grandfather passed in 345 AC. It was a natural death and one that did not come as a surprise to Robert or any of the other family members. Though it still hurt. The great Hobber Redwyne, the slayer of Aurane Waters and defender of the Blackwater, had died. Nobody would ever be able to truly replace the man but Robert was old enough to understand the legacy left behind. He knew it was his time to build on that legacy and he resolved himself that day that Westeros would never know a better admiral than him.
If before his attraction to the sea was a fascination, now it was an obsession. Each day was spent learning his ships, studying their state, attending to their maintenace. It continued this way until two things happened, first being the Lord of Dragonstone recognized his duty to wed and produce a line of his own to one day take over the island. His first child was born to him in 354 AC and was named Hobber in honor of Robert's grandfather. There had never been any doubt in his mind as to what the name of his first son would be. The second was the calling of the Crown. The Lord of Dragonstone's reputation with his ships had not gone unnoticed and he was offered a position on the King's Small Council as Master of Ships. It was all he had ever dreamed of and despite being a rather young appointment he was eager to accept. All the memories of his childhood dreams of flying across the narrow sea to be in King's Landing were now realized and it had been ships that brought him there instead of the oft dreamed about dragons.
Though it was in 357 AC when Lord Robert was forced to prove his worth. As war raged in the Reach the Hightowers, a crown loyalist, was being harassed by the other Redwynes. It was not something that Robert took great joy in, being forced to lead his own fleet against his cousin. But as his King commanded he would obey. When battle came it was Robert's fleet that prevailed, breaking the blockade of Arbor and Western ships, freeing up Hightower men to advance break the siege at Brightwater Keep. The accolades he received after such a monumental victory, however, were overbearing to him. He had gone his entire adolescent and adult life to this point thinking he wanted to be the best Admiral in Westeros. By all accounts he had now achieved that, undisputably, but it all felt empty.
His skill and ability likely made it a surprise when he tenured his resignation from the small council in the following year, 358 AC, to King Alester Tyrell. It was made clear that the decision had not been made lightly but after such a rigours campaign and with the birth of his second child, a daughter name Myrcella, it was time for Lord Robert to return to Dragonstone and focus on his family. And so just like that, his dreams of being a famed admiral and residing in King's Landing had been realized and neither had lived up to what he had hoped. Robert returned to Dragonstone and found a new admiration for it. Devoting himself to not only his ships but to his lands and his people but most importantly, his family.
In the years that followed things slowed down for the Lord of Dragonstone. He would have three more children, all daughters, with the first two being twins born in 362 AC. Cersei and Margaery Redwyne were not quite identical as Hobber and Horras Redwyne had been but Robert thought it ironic that he had been blessed with twin daughters just as his great grandfather had been blessed with twin sons. His last child was born a few years later in 365 AC and would be named Olenna Tyrell after the woman who had once been known as the Queen of Thornes and who played a crucial role in the elevation of House Redwyne to their current position.
Tragedy would strike once more though after a decade of relative calm when Daena Targaryen launched her brutal and destructive war for the Iron Throne. Lord Robert was nearing fifty and had long thought his days of commanding to be over. But when the King's call to arms came he knew that the royal fleet would call upon him once more even though he was no longer the realm's Master of Ships. And much as had been the case in his youth the now grizzled lord found himself unable to answer the call. So he set out to King's Landing with his fleet and his two brothers to prepare for what was sure to be a long and drawn out campaign. Though, not even he could have predicted the surprise fleet of 200 warships that sailed for the Blackwater while the Dragon Queen herself burned the west. Without aid from the Vale the Royal Fleet was incapable of mounting a winning effort. That, however, didn't mean the effort was in vain. While the Royal Fleet was ultimately defeated and forced into a retreat it was successful in inflicting large casualties to the invaders where, in reality, the battle should have been a route. Many of those accolades would once again find their way to Lord Robert's shoulders but the battle had a far larger effect on him. As the fleet attempted to regroup there were two ships that were missing. Both of his brothers' commands had sunk and none had seen them after. Robert was reminded of how quickly life could change once more just as he had been as a boy. Once more the seas took his family from him. Both Mace and Loras Redwyne perished that day and Robert's grief was insurmountable. He sailed his ship home while the rest of the surviving Redwyne fleet remained in service to the Crown. But Lord Robert himself had seen enough and would partake no more. He arrived on Dragonstone and hugged his wife and his children and squeezed them tight.
Robert had sworn on that day, when he returned, to never leave his family again. The crown had called him twice and he'd answered both times but now it was time for somebody else to answer the call. His place was here, with his family. At least that is what he tried to tell himself. But when the crown called once more in late 382 AC Lord Robert once again answered. The position of Master of Ships was open once more and with a young Queen now at the helm a veteran and senior member of the court was desired to fill the post. Of course, with so many others dead following the war there were not many choices. So once more, Lord Robert Redwyne would set out to depart Dragonstone aboard his trusty ship and sail for King's Landing. Once more fulfilling that childhood dream that had long since become a nightmare. All in service of the realm.

Family

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2020.09.18 19:25 Hydrael [A Staff of Crystal and Bone][CoreVerse] Reboot Chapter 4

I'm on the struggle bus a bit. News to come soon. For now, enjoy, and thank you for your patience.
Previous Part Part 1 Next Part Coming soon!
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I have Published Books!
“I think we can stop,” Artum said, panting out the words. He had to stop to rest his hands on his knees to take deep, heavy breaths. The evaporating water from the storm had kept him from overheating for a bit, but after the long flight from Oldsbrook he felt sweaty and tired. The shade of the trees that now surrounded them kept things cooler than they had been moments before, and it was some relief, but it was like the chill air sapped the remaining energy from him the moment he stepped into the shade.
Tiebalt showed his agreement by flopping to the ground. Garissa leaned against a tree. She’d had to push herself harder than either of them from the injury to her leg, and was walking with a pronounced limp. Her hands were trembling, and she looked ready to either vomit or scream. “You’re...right,” she said, barely able to gasp out the words. “Thirty take me to the Dark Halls,” she said.
Artum looked at her in shock. “You’re…” Artum had to stop and make himself take a few deep breaths. “You’re taking in the Thirty in vain like that?”
“Really?” Garissa wiped her forehead and shot him a glare. “That’s...that’s what you’re worried about right now?”
Artum shook his head and took a page from Garissa’s book. His head came away damp when he ran it across his forehead, and his eyes stung from sweat that he’d missed. Blinking to clear his vision, Artum looked around. They’d run into the Everwood, that untamed forest to the north of town. Any plants that were cut down here would regrow within just a month, and damage caused by flame would regrow even quicker. As children, Tiebalt had dared Artum to run into these woods. Artum had gotten to the edge and seen the thick foliage and heard the alien sounds of the creatures that dwelled within, and had not been able to bring himself to enter.
That was a childish fear. The fear that had driven them to flight was far more visceral, far more real, than any imagined monsters lurking in the underbrush. Right now the shadow of the Everwood was a welcome comfort. Even if there were strange beasts moving around.
Artum walked over to Garissa and knelt beside her. “Your leg is still bleeding.”
Garissa nodded, her eyes tight with pain. “Didn’t exactly have a chance to bandage it. I was a bit too busy running for my life.”
Artum winced and began to tear the sleeve of his tunic, trying to get something he could use as a bandage from the fabric. “I’m sorry about that.”
“You’re apologizing? For what, Arty? Because from where I was standing, I didn’t see you do anything wrong. You didn’t even fight back until Selmia was right on you.”
Artum let out a low breath. “I should have gone with Olarram,” he said, making sure his voice was pitched too low for Tiebalt to hear. He still glanced over to his friend, making sure Tiebalt wasn’t coming over. Not that anyone could move quietly in these woods. Tiebalt was completely drained, and only his deep breaths betrayed that he was more than a corpse.
“You didn’t exactly get a choice,” Garissa said, matching his pitch. “Tiebalt made that choice for you.”
“I don’t know if he did, ‘Rissa.” She gave him a questioning look, and Artum found he couldn’t meet her eyes. “Right before he killed Olarram, I was chanting in my head and holding the Staff. I was telling myself over and over again that I didn’t do anything wrong. The exact same thing Tiebalt said right after…” Artum’s voice cracked, and he had to cough to cover the slip.
“So...what?” Garissa said, furrowing her brow. “You think that you...what, took away his will power? Made him do that?”
Artum nodded and tied off the bandage.
“It’s sweet that you want to blame everything on yourself,” Garissa said. “Unsurprising, but sweet. Let me ask you something. When did you start thinking that?”
Artum cast his memory back. He’d been so afraid that things were kind of running together in his memory. “Right...right before Tiebalt started to summon his Shovel. When Olarram said I’d be Unbound.”
“Mmm-hmmm,” Garissa said, holding out her hand. Artum took it and helped her lower herself to the ground, keeping the weight off her injured leg. “You do realize that Tiebalt said that phrase before he summoned his shovel, don’t you? Right after Olarram told you to put down the staff.”
Artum wracked his memory. What Garissa said added up but...he wasn’t certain. Everything was jumbled together in his head. Had Tiebalt said it first? Or had Artum thought it first? And if the latter was true, had he forced that thought into Tiebalts head? There was no way way to know, and Garissa no more had the answers than he did. “You’re being pretty calm,” he said, trying to change the topic.
Garissa gave him a narrow-eyed look that made it clear she’d notice the conversation turn and wasn’t going to forget it. “Artum, I’m too scared to be frightened. We just ran away from home. Tiebalt killed Olarram, Threm shot me, and Selmia almost impaled you. We can never go back there. I can’t...I can’t see my father again. You can’t see your…” Garissa’s eyes started to get wet, and Artum felt his own stinging. “I can’t deal with all that right now,” she said, wiping her eyes and sniffing. “What I can deal with is you blaming yourself for something that isn’t your fault.”
“What isn’t his fault?” Tiebalt said. Artum started at the sound, realizing too late how loudly they’d been speaking. “I mean, besides any of this.”
“It’s is, though,” Artum said. “If I hadn’t Summoned the Sable Crystal-”
“You might as well blame yourself for having brown eyes or light hair, Artum,” Teibalt said, groaning as he forced himself to sit up.
It was the first time Artum had gotten a good chance to look at Tiebalt’s eyes. They had a sunken, hollow look to them, like someone who hadn’t slept in weeks. Is it because of what I did to him? Or is Garissa right, and it’s just guilt?
Artum was getting sick of asking himself unanswerable question. “This is different through-”
“Do you think I wanted to summon a damn shovel, Artum?” Teibalt said, snapping the question. “I mean, do you know of a single day when we were talking about what we’d be when we got our Summons and I said ‘Gee golly, Arty, I so hope I get a shovel. Digging ditches does sure sound like my dream.’”
Artum glared at his tone. “Your shovel isn’t a tool of evil,” he said.
Teibalt held out his hand, letting the tool crash through the underbrush to slam into his grab. He held it in front of Artum’s face, where the dull-red stains along the edge couldn’t be ignored. “Tell me that again,” he said, his voice tight. “Tell me again that this can’t be used to do evil.”
There wasn’t anything Artum could say to that. “I’m sorry,” was all he could manage.
Teibalt shrugged, the anger draining out of his glare. “For summoning that thing? Don’t apologize. For not thinking before you opened your Halls-Damned mouth? If you had to apologize for that, you’d need to end every sentence with an apology.
Artum laughed hollowly at the joke, and Garissa snickered behind her hand. Artum held out his hand, calling back the Sable Crystal to his grasp.
“So…” he said, trailing off. “Let’s...let’s talk about what happens next.”
Tiebalt joined them on floor of the Everwood and nodded. His face was still tight with both anger and grief, but at least Artum knew Tiebalt wasn’t directing that anger at him.
It was time to make a plan. And Artum knew he’d have to try hard to convince them he was right.
Then again, he thought, his hands tightening around the staff. Maybe you won’t need to try at all.
“You two need to go back to Oldsbrook,” Artum said.
Immediately both Garissa and Tiebalt’s backs’ stiffened. “What?”
“Everything that happened there is my fault.” Seeing Garissa’s face, Artum held up a hand. “Even if it’s not - no, Tiebalt, just listen right now - both of you, give me a moment to explain!”
His outburst overrode their attempts to interject into the conversation, and was loud enough that it silenced them.
“This isn’t me wallowing in guilt. I mean that you can convince people of that.” He held out the Sable Crystal in front of himself. “No one knows for sure what all this can do. Only the Destined have seen it at their full power, and most of their Crystals have gone to new wielders at this point. New Destined. You can tell them I made you do it, that this,” he held up the Sable Crystal again, to make sure that there was no ambiguity about what he meant, “made you do it. They’ll believe you.”
“We could do that,” Tiebalt said. His voice was slow, and Artum’s heart sank. That proved that he’d been controlling Tielbalt. He’d made Tiebalt betray the Destined, he’d taken him down a dark path, and Artum was certain that everything he’d done could be blamed on this damned Crystal - and now he was making Tiebalt leave. “However, there are two problems.”
“Oh?” Artum said, wondering what objections his control over Tiebalt would allow.
“For starters, even if they believe us, they might assume we’ve been tainted by the Crystal. They won’t trust us again, no matter what we do or say. We are pretty much guaranteed to be outcasts at his point, and there’s nothing we can do to prevent it.”
Artum winced. There was truth to Tiebalt’s words, no matter how much he wanted to deny it. “You can still attempt. You have a life back there. Both of you!”
Garissa huffed out air. “You call that a life? Being my father’s servant, expected to one day marry an influential man to bring more money into Oldsbrook? I’d rather see the world, but my father had no intention of letting me go.”
Teibalt nodded. “I’m a ditch digger. Day in, day out, I did nothing but dig.” He held up his shovel in a deliberate mockery of Artum’s staff. Artum flushed and lowered it to his lap. The dark crystal was warm on his lap, pulsating with energy he couldn’t place. “Do you think I want to go back to digging ditches?”
“But you...if you stay with me, you’ll be hunted!” the words came out of Artum’s mouth in a tumble. “You’ll be hounded by Defenders, Warriors, and Archers. You may even draw the attention of the Destined themselves. You could be killed.”
“Oh, no,” Garissa said, rolling her eyes. “It never occured to me that this could be dangerous. Did that ever occur to you, Tiebalt?”
“You know what, Garissa?” Tiebalt said, his eyes wide with mock shock. “It didn’t. I had no idea that following someone holding the Sable Crystal could be dangerous. But now that Artum has so kindly pointed it out to us, I see the error of my beliefs and will leave posthaste. Won’t you be willing to join me?”
“Indeed I will, Tiebalt,” Garissa said, her eyes going wide now. “Truely, Artum has spared us from a terrible fate. Without his wisdom, however will we get along?”
“I have no idea,” Teibalt repeated, shaking his head sadly. “Surely, without him, we will forget we can breathe air and drown ourselves in barrels of water.”
“All right, all right,” Artum said, holding up a hand. As much as he was on the verge of panic, as much as he wanted to smack them both right now, the laughter that followed his protest was a relief he desperately needed. “I see your point. but...Tiebalt, Garissa. I don’t know how dangerous this will really be. Neither do you. The Destined defeated the person to wield this, and he’d ruled the world for centuries prior. I don’t think I can do much other than be a nuisance until they kill me.”
Tiebalt’s eyes hardened. “The Destined now aren’t the same as the original Thirty. Only five of them remain, and they are worn by age. Don’t assume your loss here, Artum. There might be a chance to survive.”
“And yet…” Garissa said, her eyes narrowing. “You keep saying things like “how dangerous this will really be,’ and other things that seem to hint you have a specific plan.”
Artum’s hands tightened around the staff, its warmth reassuring. “I don’t know. I have the beginning of one. We...we can return to that, I promise. but...Tiebalt, you said there were two reasons?”
“I did.” Tiebalt leaned forward, his face only inches from Arturm. “If you ever, and I do truly mean that word, ever try to take credit for something I do again, I will…” Teibalt trailed off, as if he couldn’t find a threat of sufficient magnitude for his anger. “You know what, forget what I just said. Damn you, Artum, for thinking you can lay claim to my actions.”
Arturm reeled from Tielbalt’s words. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Oh, you heard me. Don’t you ever try to claim that you can own me. Artum, I knew exactly what I was doing in that moment. Someone was going to Unbind my best friend. I stepped in to stop him. The only way to do that proved fatal. I wish there had been another way. I wish I hadn’t...I wish he had lived.” Tiebalt had to wipe at his eyes before continuing. “But that was my choice. My decision. Don’t you dare try to take that from me.”
Artum opened his mouth, closed it, opened it yet again, and then closed it a third time. Everything Tielbalt was saying was exactly what Artum wanted to hear, and from the look Garissa was giving him she considered the matter settled. And yet...it was too perfect. People didn’t normally have outbursts that happened to coincide with what people feared. What if Tiebalt was saying that because it was what Artum wanted to hear?
Down that path lies madness, Artum thought, scolding himself. If he was controlling Tiebalt with that degree of subtly, if the staff had that much power, the Dark Lord would have won. Right?
“I’m sorry,” he said aloud.
Tiebalt nodded. “You best be.” he leaned back and twisted, ramming his shovel into the ground and then using the handle as a backrest. “Now. What is this plan of yours?”
Artum took a deep breath. “You won’t like it.”
“Ashes of the Dark Lord, Arty,” Garissa said, unable to hold in the curse, “I haven’t liked anything about this since you summoned that thing. Stop stalling and get to the point.”
Artum took a deep breath and nodded. “I’m going to the Wastes of Shabbot. I’m going to the land where the Dark Lord’s influence still lies. If there’s answers, we’ll find them there.”
Artum was relieved to learn he was right about at least one thing.
Neither of them liked it.
---
Have you read The Wastes of Keldora yet? There's a sample here, but if you want to read the full thing, check it out here.
Also, while I don't have an exact date yet, Tamer of the Beasts will still be published this month, just might squeak right in before the end of the month.
---
Previous Part Part 1 Next Part Coming soon!
Rumors - Free Ebook Patreon Get updates on Discord The Dragon’s Scion - Ongoing Serial Small Worlds - Ongoing Serial A Staff of Crystal and Bone - Ongoing Serial Eden Awakens - Ongoing Serial Tamer of the Beasts - Ongoing Serial
I have Published Books!
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2020.09.18 16:43 BusyTune9 I (twice) never quite sent this letter to my mother, though I did intend to both times

Dear
In a last-ditch attempt to save this relationship, I am sending my response to the letter you wrote me earlier this year. It follows immediately after this paragraph, which deals with the most recent fall-out. Jumping straight into it: when I don’t respond in a timely manner, it is usually a sign I am highly stressed or overwhelmed; during these times, I can fall back on an irrational hope that an anxiety-provoking situation will resolve itself without me having to make a final decision. Rather than ask me about my lack of response, you chose to believe I am lazy and selfish. In reality, during the two weeks after you invited me to Boxing Day, I was recovering from flu and then, immediately after, had a very painful kidney infection; I relied on friends to take me to hospital and check in on me. Meanwhile, I felt immense pressure and anxiety about your invitation – I have made it clear that I find family events highly uncomfortable, and I was paralysed by a reluctance to upset you and to have to justify myself when I tell you I’d prefer not to go. I’m sorry I have been less able to cope with your expectations over the years, resulting in you feeling ignored and rejected. I hope this letter sheds some light on this issue.
You opened your letter by saying that recently you have the impression I don’t want a mother-daughter relationship with you, so I’ll address this first. My desire for a relationship with you has, in fact, never changed. What did change, in my mid-20s, were my expectations about what this relationship could feasibly look like. It was only after accepting that we couldn’t have a traditional mother-daughter relationship that I was able to pursue our own unique connection.
What you are sensing more recently is actually just my normal withdrawal from emotionally unsafe situations during depression, which has nothing to do with how much I love you or whether I want a relationship with you. It is self-preservation, and I am actively working in therapy towards productive ways of dealing with emotional challenges and towards fostering healthy relationships.
A core issue for me that gets in the way of our relationship is that even things within your control when it comes to spending time with me, are, in your mind, out of your control. Potential set-backs are catastrophic and unlikely negative situations are certain. If I provide solutions, you shoot them down with numerous excuses; if I deal with one (“I don’t have enough money”), you have many others (“I’ve not been sleeping, the car can’t take it, I can’t leave the dogs, I don’t do well on long journeys”). Your language is littered with absolute statements about not having a choice. Every decision is preceded by an "I need” or "I can't". Yet when you want me to do something that I don’t want to do, that negatively impacts my life or routine, or that takes away my autonomy, I’m apparently unable to compromise.
Meanwhile, you have never stayed over at my house, never eaten my food, almost never eaten with me before 7:30pm, always turned down Christmas invitations, and rarely done anything with me during the day (especially anything I’ve requested). Everything is on your schedule and according to your needs. I can’t imagine we would ever meet if I was as demanding as you. And because engaging with you can only really happen on your terms, it feels unauthentic and draining, like I have to smother myself to make you happy.
You also say in your letter that you feel more and more like a victim. To be honest, this is all I have ever known you to be, with what feels like an unending need for acknowledgement and sympathy, much like your own mother. While you have, indeed, experienced immense harm, injustice, loss, and misfortune, you appear to be trapped in a self-image of victimhood, leaving you feeling sad, angry, and helpless to change anything. But you are so many good things that are not defined by others’ behaviour, including mine, and I’d love for you to see and describe yourself as more than a victim. You have an intrinsic value that has nothing to do with how well or badly you are or have been treated. But, since you (not I) do bring it up, let me overtly agree with you (again): yes, and took us from you and then did a poor job of parenting. I’ve never denied that, though there are two points to be made about it:
  1. Either way, our upbringing would have been messed up, just in a very different way. Based on my own observations, I don’t think you had the capacity or stability to offer us consistent and considerate care;
  2. More importantly, assuming you would’ve done a better job than and , it is irrelevant for our relationship going forward.
Given your own inability to move on from the past and how people treated you over the course of your life, a good proportion of your letter strikes me as clear projection. I can’t help but wonder if you are processing your own guilt and regret about “abandoning” me by transforming it into blame. I have never considered myself abandoned and I have repeatedly attempted to reassure you of this. I’m disappointed because your letter highlights that you’ve still not heard me, after all this time. Perhaps this is because it is easier for you to imagine we have a bad relationship because I have incorrect perceptions about the past rather than because I have valid issues that have built up more recently.
It is frustrating, for example, to have everything of mine copied or compared to yours. Meanwhile, attempts to share aspects of my life with you have been met with your own obstruction and passive aggressiveness. Just off the top of my head, I think back to trying to share my music with you in the car and being met with a hostile monologue because I asked you not to make fun of it. You continued even after I had backed down: because stole your children, because is dead, and because I’m (in your eyes) cold-hearted. I also remember during my time at university, after you crying for not being invited to the previous award ceremony, that you didn’t tell me you weren’t coming to the next one until I called you while waiting at the train station to pick you up. Again, this turned into a situation where I had to feel sorry for you. If you don’t get this response, you ascribe negative intentions and traits to others, accusing , for example, of being disloyal when he asked you to stop hounding me in the car over my music, or me of being a robot when I don’t feel the same way as you.
These are not childhood upsets. These are adult frustrations with patterns that have worn me down and encouraged me to detach, bit by bit. My feelings are not valid unless they are the same as yours. My needs are not valid if they are in opposition with yours. I only exist through the lens of your life. And while demanding that I understand you and cater to your needs, I feel you’ve done almost nothing in return to take in what my feelings actually are and how my mind works, which may be different from you but not necessarily wrong by default. Instead of recognising that, you push me for not feeling the same way as you or try to put a label on me for describing what must be wrong with me. But the answers aren’t hidden in whatever mental condition you’ve most recently diagnosed me with with help from Google. I’ve explained myself for what feels like the millionth time. Why wouldn’t I withdraw if my answers to your questions are used against me later or if I’m pushed until I give you an answer you can tolerate?
I now feel stifled – increasingly unable over the past two years to tell you how I feel without fear you’ll get defensive and upset, threaten suicide, or re-frame what I say to fit your view. This isn’t the result of propaganda that and tried to feed me as a child. It is the result of my own experiences with you. And, as you state in your letter, I too wouldn’t have maintained a relationship with any other adult who treated me the way you do. So, yes, I can be obstructive and unfriendly. The way things are between us, it’s that or be consumed by you, your need to be validated by me, and my depression, which I am currently trying very hard to control, especially over the last 6 months. I have fought to survive by myself (and for others, including you).
I would regret not having a relationship with you because you ARE my mother and we are each other’s closest connection to . However, I am NOT or an extension of you. dealt with the same childhood pressures as me by saying and doing whatever she thought someone wanted. I have always been less amenable, but I believe that my tenacity against being contorted into something I am not is why I’m alive today.
At the same time, I have always acknowledged your hardships, including those you re-iterate in your letter. However, these hardships don’t have to (and shouldn’t) define the relationship we have now. As it stands, the need to re-acquire sympathy for your circumstances, especially from me, over-rides everything else. I have become your compensation – the person through which all wrongs need to be made right. This is a heavy burden and I can never right those wrongs (even if it was my responsibility to do so). It can also be challenging maintaining a relationship with someone who refuses to take any responsibility for past or present behaviour.
This is not to say I’m perfect. I can be neurotic and negative (just a couple of my worst qualities), and my discomfort and hurt escapes in little jabs and defensiveness. But it is incorrect to say I treat you like a punching bag -- I don't call you names or take anger I have for others out on you. These are things only you and your husbands have done to me. I’ve never called you anything like an embarrassment, heartless, a narcissist, lazy, selfish, vain, or a bitch (as I have been called), even in private. You can ask anyone: , , , , , , , , , , anyone.
I’ve ALWAYS given you the benefit of the doubt and defended you against others (from childhood up to the date of this letter). I’ve always said (and would still say) you’re a kind and loving person, even though I find you difficult to deal with and through tears after trying to interact with you. You should see this letter as a sign I do want a relationship with you in spite of this. Normally, I would avoid encouraging a back-and-forth, and I don’t plan on writing a second response should I get another accusatory letter. I would rather be happy than “right” and I’m not interested in a co-dependent relationship where I make up for the wrong that was done to you for the rest of our lives. I’m interested in us getting to know each other, properly.
As a child and as an adult, I have been in awe of your talents and admired your natural inner and outer beauty, and I have aspired to be like you in those respects. I like that you are not like other people. I like that we are not like other people, individually or in terms of our relationship with each other. I don’t know many others who can banter with their mothers the way I do with you, or laugh as hard, or share as much creativity the way we do. I’m still here and still wanting a connection with you, not in a traditional mother-daughter way, but in a different and an arguably better way.
All the same, I will protect myself at the expense of our relationship if needed because I can’t be there for others, including you, if I don’t put my own oxygen mask on first.
Sincerely,
August, 2019 Updated December, 2019
EDIT: fixed to maintain anonymity
submitted by BusyTune9 to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 12:02 GreenmantleHoyos The Christian American Dating and Marriage Plan: For Both Men and Women!

For both sexes:
  1. Go to college, but don’t marry anyone, you might end up moving different places after graduation
  2. Get your career started, don’t marry anyone you don’t have time
  3. Ignore the fact that step two takes two or three times as long as it used to for most workers. Onward!
  4. Live in a social desert, preferably a place where going anywhere is at least a 15 minute drive, and meeting anyone at work or church stands a good chance of ruining your career or you having to change churches if it doesn’t work. Even if it’s a third party busybody complaining.
  5. ?????????
  6. Marriage!
For Men, specifically:
  1. Believe lies about what women want, either from PUAs or well meaning church people trying to resurrect some idea of courtship that never existed, either or both, as long as it’s false
  2. Try to get mixed up in porn, great way to burn off a few years of frustration and regret while losing your edge, especially after step 1 makes dating impossible, but executed concurrently with step 1 is fine, until you realize you really need to right the ship
  3. Encourage church leaders and women, but maybe I’m repeating myself, to denigrate you and your role as a man. Call it “tough love”. Tough is good right? Confuse masculinity with a concept called “being a real man” that involves lies plus yelling and chest thumping. Ignore any books written before 1980 and especially any accounts of mating before then.
  4. ???????
  5. Marriage!
For women, specifically:
  1. Either ignore your appearance or pay way too much attention to it, as long as it leaves you alone or vain and shallow, it’s all good.
  2. Think your appearance shouldn’t matter to men either way. So when men either ignore you or look at you, they’re the ones being shallow either way. Develop first seeds of bitterness.
  3. Be willing to wait forever for the bad boy you’re actually attracted to to calm down and come back to the church. When he doesn’t, or does but chooses someone younger or better looking than yourself, use this to nourish those seeds of bitterness we planted earlier.
  4. Try to date men you’re not attracted to, it’ll be fine right? Be as ignorant as possible about sexuality either by getting mixed up in porn (helps if it’s not the same as mens porn so you can tell yourself it’s not really porn, but you can just use any old porn) so you get some true ideas as well as mostly false ones to poison those true ones, or by being so grossed out by biological realities that you can mask that as chastity.
  5. By now you should have a real bitterness plant! Use this plant to brew some simmering resentment against any men you now meet as if they were personally responsible for entire history of romantic failure. 6.???????
  6. Marriage!
Abridged from the original Tempters Training College pamphlet “Preventing Christian Babies in the American Sector by Professor Slubgob” Edited for formatting
submitted by GreenmantleHoyos to CatholicDating [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 01:00 throwaway0902014 AITA for not being supportive of my friends relationship (s)?

So my friend from the US has been dating this guy from Europe for a year now. We’ll call him John. They’ve never met in person or even video chatted but she’s going to Europe early next year to meet him. She tells us dating him, says she is in love with him, and makes “jokes” that she’s going to end up moving there for him, or will come back engaged. Meanwhile, she’s dating this poly couple from our country who live in another state. (Now I understand long distance relationships can, and have worked out), but she also goes online a lot and will flirt with people and thinks that anyone who gives her attention is romantically interested in her. My issue is she lacks personal care because she seems to be borderline obsessed with John where she comes home and goes online to talk to John and her other companions if they’re available. She doesn’t clean her apt and it’s gotten so bad that her other friends don’t wish to come over until she does, when she does she won’t keep it clean unless someone is on her ass about it which in return she gets angry with them, and she doesn’t take care of personal grooming habits. She says she doesn’t have the financial means (which I understand) however, she has the financial means to support this trip to meet John, which is a very expensive trip.
Friends and family members have had a talk with her about this, and expressed our concerns but nothing seems to have changed. It’s gotten so bad she’ll go online while she’s with her friends to talk to John, where she completely brushes off her company and finds it funny and like she’s being cute when they get frustrated by it. I told her I’m not fully supportive of her relationship because I don’t like the person she’s becoming. She doesn’t seem to care about herself and seems to have lost a lot of self identity since dating this guy, and I really have grown distant with her. She’s not the same person. She’s become vain and a bit selfish. When I bring this up she kind of laughs it off and says I need to give John a chance because she might move to his country one day to marry him and become a housewife, or as she puts it “his domesticated pet”.
AITA here?
submitted by throwaway0902014 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


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